Speak love to me, baby

What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more. Please, baby!! Don’t hurt me!!Love. It’s a big word filled with a ton of meanings we don’t fully comprehend. Love comes in all shapes and sizes, and it can be shared between lovers, friends, siblings, parents, pets, chocolate cake… I mean love can be everywhere! Some people flung around the L word all over the place, while to other people the word of Love is very sacred.

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Love is a bunch of feelings bundled up in a cute little package. The feelings of happiness, safety, appreciation, care, comfort, security, freedom, kindness, beauty, confidence – basically a shit ton of warm an fuzzy feelings that makes our endorphins go loco cray cray.

Love though, is extremely personal. Even though we all know what it’s about, it means completely different things to different people. My view of Love won’t be the same as the way you view Love. This is where things can get tricky. People get frustrated in relationships when they “don’t get the love they deserve”, when not knowing that the other person actually is showering them with all the love they can possibly give, but in their own specific way. Since our perceptions of Love and sharing it is different, we clash, and things doesn’t work out.

How we perceive Love is how we give it, and there’s actually five specific “Love languages”. The way you value these five different languages, and the ones that are most meaningful to you, are the way you usually give love, and the way you would like to receive it back. This is all happening subconsciously, and to understand the different love languages and how it can help you understand your friend, partner, or whoever when they are giving you love, and you’ll know how to share love back to them.

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The five languages of love

Words of affirmation“Damn girl, that booty is looking tight!”. Okay, maybe not shallow comments like that, but people who value words of affirmation feel love when they hear that their partner appreciates them, is proud over them, loves them, needs them, loves the way they make them feel, things like that. They like to get acknowledged about the things they do that their partner loves, and they like to feel needed and appreciated for who they are, and what they do.

Acts of service – You’re coming home one day and your love one have prepared a beautiful dinner for the two of you. Candles on the table, and a glass of wine is welcoming you as you enter the door. People who value acts of service feels loved when they feel taken care off. When someone helps them out in times where they are struggling, or if someone takes time out of their busy schedule to do something for them. The value the feeling of feeling cared for.

Receiving gifts – Pretty self explanatory, right? For people who value the act of receiving gifts, they like to get surprised with flowers, small surprises, and other goodies at random times. Don’t take this as shallowness and people being materialistic. It’s the meaning behind the gifts that makes them feel loved and special. Someone they love saw something that made them think of them. A gift can be anything, form jewelry to a cute card to a knitted scarf and homemade brownies. It’s the thought and sincere meaning behind the gift that matters.

Quality time – Drop your phone to the floor, and do the shimmey. Okay no, do not do that, but give your loved one your full attention. This is what quality time really means. Listening to each other, doing fun activities together, try out new things together, and just giving each other their full attention. To take time out of your own life to spend time with a person who values quality time makes them feel loved and appreciated.

Physical touch – Massages, hugs, holding hands, a kiss on the cheek, placing a hand on your shoulder, all these touchy feely things is what a person who values physical tough needs to feel loved. It doesn’t need to be in the most sexual of ways, it’s the small placements of an arm around a shoulder, or a spontaneous hug that matters.

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Why is it important to know what love language you value, and which language the people around you value? It’s important because you will understand everyone around you much better. If you’re a person who’s not the biggest fan of physical touch (ME!!!!), and someone starts to hod my hand in public, I would feel weirded out as fuck. Had the person known this, he might’ve not chosen to do that, and by me knowing that that’s the way he likes, and gives love, I would understand that the hand holding is coming from a good place, not a creepy type of situation.

Learn your love language, and start giving and receiving love, and strengthen your relationships with all the people in your life that matter the most.

Take the “Love Quiz” HERE, which helps to figure out which one of these languages you “speak”, and tell everyone you know to take it as well. It’s fun, and who doesn’t like a good quiz anyways?!

I'm a jealous know it all

Loud, annoying, bragging douches, know it all’s, narcissistic, mean – These are just a few traits we categorize as negative.

We can all fit ourselves into someones annoying list, even though we don’t want to admit it. That we have some bad traits and flaws here and there, we can accept. But no one really wants to see the worst of the worst in ourselves. We are perfect, it’s usually other people who’ve got shit twisted. Pointing the finger at other peoples flaws are easy, but how easy can we turn that finger around and point it at ourselves?

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So, first of all, here I am writing a list about acknowledging your negatives. Why, woman, why?! In a world where we are pushing positivity to the maxed out level, here I come and tell you to think about what makes you suck. Well, to strengthen your positives you need to be aware of your negatives. Let’s make it clear that we are not talking about your appearance!! We are focusing on our personality traits.

Our reactions to everything around us is something we do unconsciously. We get mad at other cars in traffic, we get mad when a person is taking forever at the check out at Trader Joe’s, we get jealous when we see someone we feel is more successful or beautiful than we are. These are things we “just do”. And I want you to know when you do it, and why you do it.

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I love to be right, and hate to be wrong (duh). I’m a terrible loser (even thought I’ve learned to hide it pretty well over the years). I can be jealous, I don’t open up about emotions easy, I can zone out very often. Not sure if zoning out is such bad of a trait, I guess it depends on the situation. These are just a few traits that I know I have. How other people see me, I might not even know.

Let your friends roast you – You need to get roosted, hard and crispy over an open flame and feel the burn. Okay, not really, but have your friends and family, whoever you truly trust and you know will be honest, tell you about your negative traits. What do you do that makes them sad, angry, pissed off, feeling taken for granted?

Why do you do them – If you want to go deep into why you behave this way, you can pull out a pen and a paper, and write down all the negative traits of your family and friends. We get effected by the world around us, and our upbringing might hold the answer to where your bad traits developed from. Identify the root of the problem and become aware of it. Let’s say you have a hard time opening up to people, and can be perceived as distant or cold. Maybe, you didn’t get that much word love from your parents? Break the inherited chain of bad habits!

Slap your hand when it reaches for the cookie jar – Track your shit! Write down every time you slip up. Track your bad habits in a journal, or in your phone. Whatever works for you. Become aware of them. Own them, not in the sense that they are awesome, but something you want to change. Change only happens when you’ve determined the problem. By writing them down, you will catch yourself red handed, and have you think about what triggered you behavior.

How does it effect others – Bad traits and habits goes beyond you. It usually effects others, and puts the whole “good energy balance” out of order. If the things you are doing are effecting people in a really bad way, you need to make a change. When it goes beyond yourself, you are almost required to do something about the problem.

Make others point at you – Tell the people around you, that every time you do something nasty, they should call you out out it. Bluntly. Have them explain why, and what you did exactly, so you can start seeing the type of scenarios that triggers your habit.

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Perfection, there is no such a thing. Bad days are a thing! And they can effect us, and our decision making. But, if we can do our best to improve the way we react to certain situations, we can create better energies all around us, affecting the world and ourselves for the better.