Speak love to me, baby

What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more. Please, baby!! Don’t hurt me!!Love. It’s a big word filled with a ton of meanings we don’t fully comprehend. Love comes in all shapes and sizes, and it can be shared between lovers, friends, siblings, parents, pets, chocolate cake… I mean love can be everywhere! Some people flung around the L word all over the place, while to other people the word of Love is very sacred.

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Love is a bunch of feelings bundled up in a cute little package. The feelings of happiness, safety, appreciation, care, comfort, security, freedom, kindness, beauty, confidence – basically a shit ton of warm an fuzzy feelings that makes our endorphins go loco cray cray.

Love though, is extremely personal. Even though we all know what it’s about, it means completely different things to different people. My view of Love won’t be the same as the way you view Love. This is where things can get tricky. People get frustrated in relationships when they “don’t get the love they deserve”, when not knowing that the other person actually is showering them with all the love they can possibly give, but in their own specific way. Since our perceptions of Love and sharing it is different, we clash, and things doesn’t work out.

How we perceive Love is how we give it, and there’s actually five specific “Love languages”. The way you value these five different languages, and the ones that are most meaningful to you, are the way you usually give love, and the way you would like to receive it back. This is all happening subconsciously, and to understand the different love languages and how it can help you understand your friend, partner, or whoever when they are giving you love, and you’ll know how to share love back to them.

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The five languages of love

Words of affirmation“Damn girl, that booty is looking tight!”. Okay, maybe not shallow comments like that, but people who value words of affirmation feel love when they hear that their partner appreciates them, is proud over them, loves them, needs them, loves the way they make them feel, things like that. They like to get acknowledged about the things they do that their partner loves, and they like to feel needed and appreciated for who they are, and what they do.

Acts of service – You’re coming home one day and your love one have prepared a beautiful dinner for the two of you. Candles on the table, and a glass of wine is welcoming you as you enter the door. People who value acts of service feels loved when they feel taken care off. When someone helps them out in times where they are struggling, or if someone takes time out of their busy schedule to do something for them. The value the feeling of feeling cared for.

Receiving gifts – Pretty self explanatory, right? For people who value the act of receiving gifts, they like to get surprised with flowers, small surprises, and other goodies at random times. Don’t take this as shallowness and people being materialistic. It’s the meaning behind the gifts that makes them feel loved and special. Someone they love saw something that made them think of them. A gift can be anything, form jewelry to a cute card to a knitted scarf and homemade brownies. It’s the thought and sincere meaning behind the gift that matters.

Quality time – Drop your phone to the floor, and do the shimmey. Okay no, do not do that, but give your loved one your full attention. This is what quality time really means. Listening to each other, doing fun activities together, try out new things together, and just giving each other their full attention. To take time out of your own life to spend time with a person who values quality time makes them feel loved and appreciated.

Physical touch – Massages, hugs, holding hands, a kiss on the cheek, placing a hand on your shoulder, all these touchy feely things is what a person who values physical tough needs to feel loved. It doesn’t need to be in the most sexual of ways, it’s the small placements of an arm around a shoulder, or a spontaneous hug that matters.

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Why is it important to know what love language you value, and which language the people around you value? It’s important because you will understand everyone around you much better. If you’re a person who’s not the biggest fan of physical touch (ME!!!!), and someone starts to hod my hand in public, I would feel weirded out as fuck. Had the person known this, he might’ve not chosen to do that, and by me knowing that that’s the way he likes, and gives love, I would understand that the hand holding is coming from a good place, not a creepy type of situation.

Learn your love language, and start giving and receiving love, and strengthen your relationships with all the people in your life that matter the most.

Take the “Love Quiz” HERE, which helps to figure out which one of these languages you “speak”, and tell everyone you know to take it as well. It’s fun, and who doesn’t like a good quiz anyways?!

Take Pride in Being Childish

Earth has been molded by oceans, volcanoes, and ice. Landscapes have moved, new inhabitants have settled in, and changes is happening at all times. But, underneath all these layers of molds , and changes, there is a center. The core center of our earth is untouched, and has remained the same since its creation.

We are just like our beloved earth. When our ugly, wrinkled faces see the sunlight for the first time, we are this core center. We are untouched, un molded, and the purest form of self we will ever be.

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There’s a bunch of psychological theories about if we are born with a clean slate, and shaped by our environment, or if we are already born with our personalities and traits. I believe it’s a mix of both. We all have certain predisposed abilities, and survival instincts, just as any other mammal, and we might even have some personality down there in our newly born little souls. But, environment is a certain factor of change! How can we even argue about that!? The way we are raised will effect us, the people we meet when we start school will effect us. Things we hear, see, smell, taste – everything will set its mark on us. And in a technological evolving world, where things are fast paced, and new things are popping at us form all directions, we end up becoming these energy drained, routine robots. Centering ourselves, and finding our inner child is nothing we really do, and we look at this robotic changes as a part of “growing up”.

“Enjoy your life right now, kid, when you grow up it will be harder” – Isn’t this some shit almost all of us been told when we were younger? When did life and growing up turn into a long hard misery?

Kids see and live in a way that is different from us. We do set examples for the younger people, but we to, have a whole lot to learn from children.

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The pretty awesome thing children do, that we somewhere along the line forget:

Brutally honest – The worlds toughest critics are children, yup, they are indeed. They speak their minds whenever, and about whatever. If they don’t like something, you will know, and if they love something, you’ll also know. It might not be the most appropriate to spit out someones food at a dinner party, but there’s other ways, in which we can be honest about the food. We can let the hostess know that they might’ve put a little bit too much salt in the soup, instead of smiling in delight while forcing down salty soup down your throat.

They wear their hearts on their sleeve –  They show their emotions – hard core. Ever lost in a game, and being such a sore looser that you threw yourself on the ground, crying and screaming as if you were dying? Yup, been there, done that. From soccer games, to monopoly. If someone were mean to you, you made sure they knew how bad they did you. As we grow up we learn to put on the “I’m fine” mask.  And boy, isn’t that something we wear on our sleeves? We are so fine all the time, but deep down our inner child is yelling in terror, punching our insides like a boxing bag.

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They have fresh eyes – Kids wake up super early in the morning and they are ready to seize the day, for no apparent reason at all. They bounce around with these exploring eyes and they just make every day its own, despite routines like school. A new day means new adventures. Everything is exciting. They live in the present moment all the time. Remember how weeks felt like months? You were living in the present, homie.

Going out is what’s up – Children loves to go out – in nature. They are outside as often as they can, and they make up own worlds in our existing world. A leaf is now a pizza slice, and the big stone is now a five star restaurant, with some twigs being the new luxury utensils. We might not have the same time to go out in nature, with a 1 hour break at work, but we can make our hour count, or you can make your pencil at your desk, your own kind of new luxury utensil.

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(Shout out to my amazing friend Savannah, we knew how to keep ourselves more than entertained, and we had some serious editing skills in Paint.)

They get bored – Well, now days with smart phones, I guess our young kiddos doesn’t get as bored anymore, but hey, they still get bored. Getting bored is, despite its bad rep, pretty awesome. Boredom forces us to do something. Even if we’re just sitting right up side down, our mind starts to wonder , and we spark some creativity. Boredom is the best little guy for creativity. The times you were bored as a kid, were the times where your best new games got created, or when you decided to come up with that killer dance routine with your friend. Boredom gave you the freedom to do exactly what you wanted to do, in your own way.

They are curious – If you’ve ever played the “why game” with a child, you know what I mean. They ask questions on questions, and follow up questions on follow up questions. They can never ask to much, and they never feel bad for wanting to suck out all the possible information they can. Be curious. Seek answers in random shit, that you never really though about. Learn as much as you can, because, why the hell not? Kids trial and error all the time, while we don’t even get to the trial part, because we fear the error.

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They see things for what they are – As we grow up, we have a tendency of over complicating things. Things are always kinda in that grey area. For kids, it’s black and white. What is, is. Simple. No time to dwell upon it, they move on to the next. Sarah is not your friend anymore, okay, cool, now I’ll play with Betty. I’m not saying we should throw away our relationships like this, but you get the point. If an issue occurs, you deal with it, and you move on. They don’t hold grudges, and next week I’m best friends with Sarah again.

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Right now, I want you to close your eyes and remember something, or certain things, that you used to do as a child, and time just seemed to fly by. Thinking about it? Are you seeing little you being in tune with yourself and just enjoying life for what it is? Do you today, make time for these things that made you feel this way? If not, we have to start.

The more we tune in with our inner child, the more we can find out what makes us awesome, and what abilities only you can bring to the world. We “de-child” ourselves as we grow up, and we set age restrictions on when we have to stop behaving like children, and suddenly just become all adulty and serious. Don’t get me wrong, growing up is amazing, and we learn a lot of life skills we never knew as children. But, what’s even more powerful is an adult that can do both. Be the child, within the adult.

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You are Yours

Self love. Love thy self. “You can’t love someone else until you love yourself”. We talk about self love all the time, it’s a topic that’s never going out of style. It’s one of the most important things in life, yet it’s the hardest. You are your best friend and your worst nightmare, all in one. You can cheer yourself up, and you can knock yourself down in the dumpster just as easy. We go head over heels for other people, we fall hardly deeply in love, and do all kinds of crazy things when the lovely Cupid hits us with his arrows. We never freak out like this over ourselves.

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Humans are flock animals by nature, and it’s in our biology to seek belonging, approval, acceptance, love and appreciation. Already having this deep within our DNA, and with social media, where we constantly have access to comparing ourselves, and finding approval in likes, we are just spicing up the curry.

If you’re reading this with the expectation to find the answer to self love, I will have to tell you to stop reading right now, and go get yourself a banana. I do not have the answers or the remedies, and one of my goals for this years is to focus more on me and self love. We’re all in this together! (inserts high school musical cheesy song here)

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We can all take small steps on the journey to the magical land of self love. You can for instance start every morning with looking into your eyes i the mirror, telling yourself how God damn beautiful you are, and smack yourself on the ass. I also believe that there’s plenty of outside factors that we need to take into consideration, when learning to love ourselves. A few of these things are coming right at ya in the list below.

Allowing how other people treat you – People. Aren’t those some fuckers we have too many off in this world? In our lifetime, we will encounter a lot of different people. Ass holes, fake people, amazing people, weird people. Boyfriends, girlfriends, bosses, friends. How we let other people treat us is a reflection of the respect and love we have for ourselves. If someone is constantly shitting on you, and making you feel down, you have to be aware of this, put your foot down, and throw the shit back at them. I believe that people come into our lives for a reason, to teach us something, to show us something. We just need to be present, and understand what the reason is. Allowing how other people treat you is totally up to you, and you need to learn when to speak up and make a change, when someone is treating you in a way that you’re not down for. As the title of this post says – You are yours before you can allow to be someone else’s.

Learn to say no – Don’t take on too much at once. It’s okay to say no. In your work life, or in your social life. Don’t feel the guilt of rejecting plans. If you need time for yourself to recharge and do whatever you need to do, do it! It’s okay (as long as you’re not being a complete ass and cancel plans right before, obviously). Being by yourself isn’t such a bad thing, even though society is telling us that it is. I mean, we have all see the devastation off Jim Carry being the Yes Man. Yes isn’t always a positive thing.

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Knowing your flaws – We all have skeletons in the closet. Your past is a part of you, and if you need to deal with certain things to move on, do it.  Rip that bandage right off. Let it sting for a moment, and then watch everything heel. Know your weaknesses. What makes you feel sad? What’s your bad habits? What’s your excuses? Negative traits? You need to take all this and grab it hard by the balls. Accept it, work with it, learn to love it, and grow from it. Nobody is perfect. Perfect, just as beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

Knowing your strengths – With weaknesses comes strengths! Don’t be ashamed to know, and own your strengths. Take pride in your talents! You are a unique piece of sweet ass, and you’ve got some unique things to offer. If you know that you are caring, embrace it! If you’re funny, crack up the jokes for everyone to hear them. You know how to whip it up in the kitchen? Keep on whippin until everyone’s mouths are drippin! (with saliva you know, because food is delicious)

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Taking care of yourself – Yeeeeees! Like, yes, yes yeeees. This is something you have to do, my friends. Be healthy, make sure you’re feeling great. Eat healthy, exercise, get sunlight and fresh air every day. Do things that makes you happy, laugh, be silly, embrace your inner child! Don’t be to hard on yourself. It’s okay to not be on your A game every single day, and its important to take time for yourself, and doing what’s best for you. If you’re not feeling your best, you are never going to be the best for other people.

Help others – It is scientifically proven that when we help others, and make people happy, we become more happy and satisfied with ourselves. So, slap the ego, and the judging little grumpy man out of you, and start to see the opportunities where you can help someone else feel better. Just be a good person. Strive to spread happiness around you wherever you go. You are a great bundle of joy, and one flame starts a fire, so fire up happiness and helpfulness all over the place!

Embrace your sexuality – Sex, and sexuality, the MAJOR component of our entire existence, is also one of the most taboo subjects in the world. Sex is viewed as shameful, sinful, bad, evil. I mean, people have kinda been fucking up the world, so in a sense it might be evil…BUT, it’s a simple foundation to life. We all do it, and we all think about it. Explore yourself, don’t be ashamed to get freaky, and embracing what makes you tick. So many cultures around the world barely mentions sex to their children, and when they do it’s in the most negative way, telling them to be ashamed of their sexuality. Especially girls. This is causing extreme insecurities, low self esteem, unhealthy habits, body shaming, and lifelong psychological damages. Embracing your sexuality is a part of how you let other people treat you in relationships. If you don’t know your likes and dislikes, you can’t tell people what you need, making you get disrespected without even knowing it, leading you to not respecting yourself. It’s all a circle. So basically, get saucy with yourself, and embrace that you’re a hot, sexy piece of ass, and not ashamed to show it!

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Take yourself out on a date – Hold you horses, you mean going out in public, doing things by myself?! Pretty much, yes. If you want to have lunch at that cute little place you’ve been dying to try, but no one’s available to join you, go by yourself! Treat yourself to a date. It is such a stigma around doing things by yourself. I used to hate going on lunch breaks when I was younger, starting out with my first jobs. I had to go eat alone, in public!! I felt like the whole world was staring a me, while a too large piece of extra hard baguette, would make it hard for me to chew properly. Today, I have no problem going to eat by myself. If I want to go see a movie in theatres, I’ll go by myself! I’m that weirdo, and I like it. Another great perk of doing things yourself, is that you’re more likely to talk to other people. Maybe you’ll meet the man of your dreams, or your future business partner. Life is full of awesome things when you step out of your comfort zone and do things by yourself. Also, after your self date, it doesn’t hurt to come home, set the mood with some candles and wine, and give yourself some sweet lovin!

Take social media breaks  – Spending hours on social media, looking at other peoples “amazing” lives, does us more harm than good. Not only can it make you feel down, and lonely, but it’s a master of procrastination. It makes us loose our creativity, making us do useless shit, leading to feeling bad about ourselves. If you’re not able to completely delete your social media apps from your phone, make sure to turn off the notifications. You had a life before social media, and you are going to be perfectly fine without it for a few less hours every day.

Set goals – Make something happen. Start a project of any kind. Set deadlines, have something to do. Finish things, and get showered with the positive feelings it brings. Become proud over yourself! You have so much to bring to the world, so make sure the world gets to see it!

The journey of truly loving yourself, and being completely comfortable in your own skin is life long. We all need to know the importance we have in this world, and by loving ourselves, we are allowing ourselves to do the great things we are destined to do. Instead of focusing on finding a boyfriend or girlfriend, focus on finding YOU. This year is the year of me, you, and everyone else, on the personal level. Go us!!!